Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
True Love happens only to a privileged few. I am lucky to be in that group. I have experienced the warmth of love. I have felt that passion deep in my heart. I realized the happiness one feels in Love. But Is Love always a happy path? The person I love is in India making her marriage plans. I am here sitting in USA with the golden memories of her. What do you say? Am I lucky or unlucky to be in this privileged group?
Love is the most fascinating, most wonderful and the most beautiful thing. It gives a new meaning to your life. It makes you forget all the worries in the world. It keeps you happy even if you have the load of the whole world on you. It injects into you the energy to stand against the universe for the person you love. It does not care any barriers or obstacles in its path. It’s only one side of the coin when everything ends happily. On the other side, Love has the power to take the meaning out of your life. It makes you the most unlucky person in the world. It makes you so weak that each and every moment of your life turns into hell. It brings you to a dead end where each every road for happiness is closed. So, what is Love? I don't know what love is but now I am experiencing the other side of love.
Priya - I am unable to forget her. Whenever I see a girl, I see Priya. Whenever I see a couple, I see Priya and me in them. I can feel her everywhere and every minute. Whenever I am alone, I think of her. I could not mingle with people as before. I was here physically but my mind and heart were with Priya. I sit before her picture on my laptop and look at it for hours. I don't cry anymore as I don't have any tears left in me. I feel lost in some distant world.
Priya comes into my dreams. She laughs at me, she teases me, she plays with me, she scolds me for being late, and she comes close to me and runs away from me. I want to be in the dreams where I can be with Priya, where I can sit beside her, where I can talk to her, where I can hold her hand in mine and assure her that I am there for her. But for a dream, the crucial thing is to sleep. I am unable to sleep. The bitterness of the truth does not allow me to sleep. It’s a torture one cannot describe in words. Only the person who feels it knows it.
Sometimes I feel that I still have a chance. Some where deep in my heart a voice says that Priya also loves me. Sometimes I feel tempted to propose her. But at the same time I feel that it’s too late now and I have no chance left. I don't know what to do. It’s a fight between the mind and the heart. One day I got so frustrated and tempted that I called her. When I heard her voice, the other side of me took over and I was unable to speak a single word. I can feel the split personality in me. It’s a fight between me and myself.
"Your productivity has decreased" My PM said one day. "Business folks raised an issue about you saying that you don't respond properly in the meetings. What happened to you?"
"Nothing Praveen. Just not feeling well now a days" I said.
"If it continues, I am afraid I need to take necessary action and you may need to fly back to India"
"I will try to do my best" I said.
"If you improve, It’s good for all" Praveen said.
Why is this happening to me? I could not concentrate on work. My career is getting ruined. I am spoiling my health. This is all just because of one girl who I never knew existed two years ago. Is this necessary? Is this called Love? They say that Love is a beautiful thing. But if it’s a beautiful thing, why is it torturing me like this? If this is called Love, I don't want love. Why can't I live without her? I can live without her. I was very happy before she came. If she doesn’t care for me, why should I? I am not going to call her any more. I am not going to think of her any more.
Even a single mail in the morning with even a single letter in it encourages me to spend the whole day with hope and happiness. Whenever I call her and here her voice, I forget myself. I want to talk to her continuously for hours. I want to be with her. From such a stage, now I am thinking of completely ignoring her and avoiding her. She has no right to change my life. I CAN LIVE ALONE.
But is it Possible..? Can I live without her? Only time can tell.
True Love happens only to a privileged few. I am lucky to be in that group. I have experienced the warmth of love. I have felt that passion deep in my heart. I realized the happiness one feels in Love. But Is Love always a happy path? The person I love is in India making her marriage plans. I am here sitting in USA with the golden memories of her. What do you say? Am I lucky or unlucky to be in this privileged group?
Love is the most fascinating, most wonderful and the most beautiful thing. It gives a new meaning to your life. It makes you forget all the worries in the world. It keeps you happy even if you have the load of the whole world on you. It injects into you the energy to stand against the universe for the person you love. It does not care any barriers or obstacles in its path. It’s only one side of the coin when everything ends happily. On the other side, Love has the power to take the meaning out of your life. It makes you the most unlucky person in the world. It makes you so weak that each and every moment of your life turns into hell. It brings you to a dead end where each every road for happiness is closed. So, what is Love? I don't know what love is but now I am experiencing the other side of love.
Priya - I am unable to forget her. Whenever I see a girl, I see Priya. Whenever I see a couple, I see Priya and me in them. I can feel her everywhere and every minute. Whenever I am alone, I think of her. I could not mingle with people as before. I was here physically but my mind and heart were with Priya. I sit before her picture on my laptop and look at it for hours. I don't cry anymore as I don't have any tears left in me. I feel lost in some distant world.
Priya comes into my dreams. She laughs at me, she teases me, she plays with me, she scolds me for being late, and she comes close to me and runs away from me. I want to be in the dreams where I can be with Priya, where I can sit beside her, where I can talk to her, where I can hold her hand in mine and assure her that I am there for her. But for a dream, the crucial thing is to sleep. I am unable to sleep. The bitterness of the truth does not allow me to sleep. It’s a torture one cannot describe in words. Only the person who feels it knows it.
Sometimes I feel that I still have a chance. Some where deep in my heart a voice says that Priya also loves me. Sometimes I feel tempted to propose her. But at the same time I feel that it’s too late now and I have no chance left. I don't know what to do. It’s a fight between the mind and the heart. One day I got so frustrated and tempted that I called her. When I heard her voice, the other side of me took over and I was unable to speak a single word. I can feel the split personality in me. It’s a fight between me and myself.
"Your productivity has decreased" My PM said one day. "Business folks raised an issue about you saying that you don't respond properly in the meetings. What happened to you?"
"Nothing Praveen. Just not feeling well now a days" I said.
"If it continues, I am afraid I need to take necessary action and you may need to fly back to India"
"I will try to do my best" I said.
"If you improve, It’s good for all" Praveen said.
Why is this happening to me? I could not concentrate on work. My career is getting ruined. I am spoiling my health. This is all just because of one girl who I never knew existed two years ago. Is this necessary? Is this called Love? They say that Love is a beautiful thing. But if it’s a beautiful thing, why is it torturing me like this? If this is called Love, I don't want love. Why can't I live without her? I can live without her. I was very happy before she came. If she doesn’t care for me, why should I? I am not going to call her any more. I am not going to think of her any more.
Even a single mail in the morning with even a single letter in it encourages me to spend the whole day with hope and happiness. Whenever I call her and here her voice, I forget myself. I want to talk to her continuously for hours. I want to be with her. From such a stage, now I am thinking of completely ignoring her and avoiding her. She has no right to change my life. I CAN LIVE ALONE.
But is it Possible..? Can I live without her? Only time can tell.
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on Monday, July 16, 2007 at 5:51 AM.
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